PLEASE COME TO ME.....


To thine tryst doth I tarry ,
romantically poised , yet still.
I beg of you my love , please come,
as I would to thee with will...

My delicate pores now tormented
by lust, desires infuse within.
My soul it doth ache indefinate passion,
the breeze, gently so, adorning my skin.

To me my love come, I beg your embrace.
I await of you your handsome face.
The touch of your lips I long to flavour.
My love please come,please come to me.

Composure

Your mind ploying, luring
the words you write so

elegantly composed.

Entrapping vulnerability

between the lines.

Enfolding, comforting

deliberating empathy.

The words I hear ,the comfort I, feel

exposed now, naked in mind and spirit

you have reinvented me.

This poem always brings a lump to my throat for some reason .

 Guardian Angel

I had another dream last night
and you were there that star so bright.
The star you gave to me that night
upon our midnight walk....

In my dream you said to me,
look beyond,for what you see
is mere trivialities
you'll find a way to work it out.

Keep the star close to your heart
let me guide you through,
I will be your guardian angel
till I can be with you.

It won't be easy as you know
many years will pass away
and when our time is finally here
your face old, hair, silver grey...

Will you still love the star so bright
that shines forever more,
when age your youth has stolen,
will it be I you still adore...?

I don't know why you ask me this
my answer remains the same,
the star I keep close to my heart
the one that bears your name
is the one I carry all my days
in hope that we can be
together in our dreams for all eternity.

A masterpiece of fabric!

A cascading waterfall of draping fabric.
Bold black and crisp white.
Shadowed with sparkling sequins. 
Shimmering like stars at night.
Sleek, soft ,silk, floats over her body
draping to the floor, demanding an 
audience like never before.
Dressed to kill, distinct in design, turning heads
in this masterpiece of fabric so divine. 

Chemical Reaction

In oceans deep and skies so vast
an active force is taking place.
Drawing us in to it's very core
piercing our mere existence.

The blood within our veins
ever flowing, faster, stronger.
Adrenalin pumping, gasping for air
will this feeling last much longer?

This active force has reached it's peak
now much calmer and serene,
while chemistry mixes with life and 
soul,remaining invisible, unseen.

Encapsulates within it's net
of which there's no escape.
Each one of us caught and falls 
within this chemical active rape. 

Having wrote 95 poems I am still amazed that I wrote them.
You will be pleased to know not that not all of them are gloom and doom.
Maybe some of you remember an Eastender episode where one of the
characters Gary was referred to as a Tin of Magnolia Paint which inspired this poem.....

Magnolia
If my husband were a Tin of Paint, 'Magnolia' he would be.
easy on the eye but missing harmony.
He needs a splash of colour to brighten up his days
I suggest subtle 'Cappuccino' Or bright 'Californian Rays'

He is a no frills man you see,
he doesnt want the Harmony.
He wants his life as safe can be
'No risk taking! ' he says, 'it's not for me!

A beer after work,
is all that I require,
no ideas above my station,
maybe a little bit of colour?

Maybe for a change I'll try
a  'Hint of white' or 'Apple pie'
But why bother putting colour to the test,
'Magnolia' is what I like the best.

This poem is sad but true of many of us who do not take the time to listen to our children.

 Be Quiet Child









Be quiet child, be quiet I say
No one listens to you today
Your voice is unheared and
not of importance
Be quiet child I say

Let your Brother speak
Be quiet child
I can not hear his voice
I don't have time to listen to you
Be quiet child I say

My Brother speaks
The very words, I was about to say
But Mother she won't listen
Be quiet child she says

Now I have grown with babes of my own
and Mother continues to say...

Be quiet Lady Be quiet I say
Your voice is unheared and
not of importance
I will not listen to you today!

Why Poetry? It was cheaper than booze and less dangerous ......

I began to write poetry seriously about 2 years ago. I was going through a deep depression and poetry seemed to help. Though I didn't know it at the time it was a life line. OK some of my poems were rubbish but here are a few of my best attempts. Though you may not agree with me of course! Forbidden Love was my first effort and one I am rather proud of. It tells of how easy it is to fall for the right words and the devastation of being in the wrong situation at the wrong time.

Forbidden Love

He knocks down your defences one by one.
Brick by brick you become exposed.

You soften to his sweet words
You breath them in as if your life depends upon it.

He now has your heart, your soul, your emotions.
Openly you give yourself, your feelings your thoughts,

your happiness, your sadness.He has the greatest gift of all.
Your Trust .....Your Love.  

Like putty in his hands he moulds you to his needs.

Then becomes scared at what he's created.

He now knows that you need him, want him, love him

but he can't complete the game.

It's over...he says, I am sorry...he says

I will never forget you not ever...he says.

While you sob uncontrollably.

Like a lost child you're abandoned and alone.

Your heart on the floor in millions of pieces

you grieve for what seems eternity.

Out of that hurting heart comes a burning fire

where no man dares to enter.

Never will she be so giving, to no man again will she give her heart.

For deep down she keeps it for the one who broke it.

 

More able and talented!

Do you have a "Gifted" child or know someone who has a gifted child. If the answer is yes then you will understand the enormous chip these youngsters carry on their shoulders. My youngest son Alex who is now coming up to 14 taught himself to read by the age of 5. When I say read I mean fluently. Even now he comes out with certain words and I have no idea what he means (how thick am I?). he even used to correct his brothers spelling. His brother being 9 years older.

Alex developed tantrums from 9 months old he just refused to go into any buildings .For example, shops ,post office, nursery ,even his own Nan's House. Though he would go in eventually to see his Nan. I think it was at this point my Agoraphobia developed, as I was in the limelight with this screaming child who I had no control over. Once we got home he was a little angel . So playgroups were out of the question then when he started Nursery it was a nightmare to get him there. Even up until last year he refused to cooperate on many occasions.Which meant missing out on trips etc.

But did I get any support? Did I heck. No one wanted to accept that Alex's tantrums were not normal tantrums. Now finally at the age of 14 he is going to be seeing the school psychologist He feels a little uneasy about it ,but with 280 or so pupils in his school seeing the same psychologist he has accepted it and we await an appointment. It always strikes me that under-achievers have no end of support compared to Gifted children who are now labeled as "More able and Talented". They often develop behaviour issues and feel they don't fit in. As if being a teen isn't bad enough, a teen with a genius mind is double trouble!

We are currently looking for some out of school clubs for him to attend to get him away from the house.I will let you now if he goes or manages to throw a Paddy so he can stay home! 

Luke my eldest, now 23 on his 9th Birthday holding his new brother Alex who is just hours old!

Apologise in Advance for Long Life story!

After reading an article yesterday regarding an incident involving a woman who "beat up" another woman just because she thought she was ugly I felt impelled to blog and share a little of my own life experiences. The gist of the article explains that the victim who suffers from a rare condition which has disfigured her face rarely goes out because of the way people react towards her. On this particular night she had built up enough confidence to go out with friends. The incident which comes next is horrific, the accused who was drunk took a dislike to the victim because of the way she looked and started punching her not once but several times.  When questioned by the police she claims she did nothing wrong. She was given an 8 month prison sentence. Which is a drop in the ocean compared to the victim who may now never recover from this ordeal.  You just don't expect this sort of behaviour from modern society do you? But it is out there .We link the word bullying with children and teens but there are as many adults out in the big wide world who are nothing more than bullies which is putting it mildly. I won't go into the rights and wrongs of it as we'd be here all day but I thought I'd share with you my own experience which I very rarely talk about.

A few years ago ,well probably 15 yrs ago I began to suffer from agoraphobia ,which most assume is the fear of  open crowded spaces.My take on it is, it's a fear of people .I have a certain amount of control over when and where I go out. and providing I have an escape root I am ok. However this has a detrimental effect on my family and some friends who don't understand my issues. As to them I am just Mum or Tracy .My husband included has no idea of how I feel or what it's like to be me.

I was born with a cleft palate back in 1966 some cleft palate babies are also Growth Hormone Deficient (GHD) like myself .Needless to say GHD effects natural growth and the ageing process,which in my case did not become evident till around 12 months old when I weighed in at approx 9lbs.
I was admitted into St Mary Abbots Hospital in London where I was to be nothing more than a pin cushion to the medical profession.To establish whether or not I was GHD I underwent several tests which involved blood taken from my feet , iodine was pumped into the veins in my head to see how quickly it travelled around my body. These tests were done a number of times ,I can't remember any of this of course but it has left me with a needle phobia. My parents were offered Hormone Injections which would have boosted my height by approx 6 inches, but they turned it down , as they were unsure how safe they were at the time.

So now at 44 I am 4ft 5 and don't look anywhere near my age. I am not worried about looking 44 or 64 or 74 but I would like to be treated as an equal. To make matters worse I have a speech impediment due to the cleft palate. Ok I am lucky I had the best treatment here in the Uk , as my first op was done in the US and had to be undone by the surgeons in St Lawrence Hospital Chepstow. I have had several ops throughout childhood to repair the cleft.Also many years of speech therapy .90% of the time it does not effect my everyday life. Although having a speech impediment is not considered a big deal  we all have to communicate with each other we have no choice but to speak,and for me it is not an easy thing to do. I particularly do not like having to make phone calls I put it off until I really must do so.I am naturally chatty and friendly but feel trapped in my own little world at times. However being short is for me the worst aspect of my life. Immediately I am at an obvious disadvantage. Often the brunt of "short jokes" and the the total opposite of being ignored like I were almost invisible.

As an adult I have chosen to not put myself into situations I am not happy with.I pick and choose where and when I go out. Which lessens the possibility of being victimised or treated as if I were a child even. If I didn't have the speech issue I would stand up for myself but who is going to listen to a person with a speech impediment. So I keep my mouth shut and say nothing. Yes I get angry and frustrated but have learnt the art of switching off but that doesn't mean I do not get upset.

Despite the agoraphobia and the odd panic attack I do work , as I need the money and am good at what I do. I also have a vast network of friends which has been a real bonus. I do feel if it weren't for my height and speech I could have reached my potential and had a good career but so be it. I plan on writing a book about my own experiences of having GHD and a Cleft palate , which will be a mixture of tears ,anger ,achievements and so forth. I am not writing a book for sympathy but empathy. I just want to get across the fact that disfigured,disabled,or tiny folk like me have a brain ,a heart and feelings and want to be treated as equals.

One in 700 babies are born with a cleft of some sort , that is a quite a high figure. Maybe you know someone with a speech impediment, or indeed any impediment , and I am sure like me they all lead normal lives. I was never encouraged to talk about my feelings if anything I was suppressed instead of encouraged. A member of my family whom I won't name and shame once said to me "What do you expect of course people are going to look at you" that remark was enough to crush me. It has taken me many years to build up my confidence alone. I accept I will always have an issue with certain situations and I try and find a way around it. That is all I can do really!  Thanks for reading xxx